I had a bad night.
With World Mental Health Day just passing I feel this is perfect timing to share this... If you have read my first book Sober as Fuck, then you know that I finally faced and accepted that I live with depression and anxiety. I haven't had a bad day in a long time because I have gotten better at dealing with it over time. Last night, I had a bad night. I was extremely stressed out, working like a crazy woman lately every day to get book #2 done by the end of this year. I noticed during the day yesterday that my mood was shifting... by nighttime I could tell a full blown episode of depression was setting in. When I write about overcoming my struggle with alcohol it stirs up a lot of emotions inside me, and sometimes it puts me back in that time in my mind and forces me to feel those emotions again.
My boyfriend Andrew could tell something was off, but I kept saying I was fine. I was not fine. I eventually got into my pajamas and got in bed by myself while he was watching football in the other room... curled up in a ball and quietly crying. Nothing specifically was wrong, but I couldn't stop feeling it. Sometimes I still struggle with the things I had to go through in my past and the things I had put others through with my old lifestyle. I know that I have come so far, but sometimes I still have a bad night. Andrew came into the room and asked if I was okay. I shook my head no and tears poured out. We talked about how I was feeling and he was my rock through it. Reassuring me of how far I've come and that if feeling THIS way in order to share my story has to happen to help others... that it IS worth it. He wiped my tears and held me until I calmed down.
I always wake up early. I'm up making coffee and on my laptop writing by 8am everyday. Today I sat down with my coffee and opened my laptop to this... A love note written on a sheet of Bounty paper towel. lol. He is such a thoughtful, kind, and caring man. I am so lucky to call him mine.
Let this be a reminder that struggling with mental health issues is not something to every be ashamed of or to hide. I still struggle with it. Let people in to be your support system. Let them be your rock. No matter what you have been through or what you have done, you are strong, you are beautiful, and you are enough.
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