Sure, I've written Sober as F*** and shared with the world how I was able to become and live sober. I shared every detail of the struggle I went through to reach some sort of level of normalcy in life and live a great life again. I wrote about how I was able to create my best life possible in my second book, Innerbloom, and achieve true inner happiness. You might think from reading all of these books and the highlight reel of my Instagram feed that it's sunshine, roses, and smiles all day, every day. Okay, so there are definitely a lot of those days, but I want to share some realness with all of you real quick... IT'S STILL HARD.
Sobriety will always be hard. It's never easy. There will be bad days. There will be tears. It's going to be f***ing hard sometimes. And if you're committed to sobriety, you've just got to accept that.
In the last several months I've had to face a few situations where it was a big wake up call to me that I'm still working on it. To be brutally honest with you, there was even a day that I drug my boyfriend to therapy with me just so that I could explain this to him. I broke into hysterical tears as I had to explain out loud to him (and to myself) that 'I know I seem like I'm strong and I'm fine and I can handle anything but...' and then I literally had to choke through letting out the words "IT'S STILL HARD FOR ME."
For a headstrong chick that hates to admit she's weak or needs help, admitting something like that out loud is NOT easy. I hate the thought that I cannot overcome every trigger or feeling that might come over me. I hate the thought of possibly missing out on something because of triggers or emotions. I hate admitting that I am not stronger than my emotions sometimes. But saying it out loud on that day to my boyfriend in that office not only showed him that my sobriety is still a struggle, it also woke me up to that reality as well. It's still a work in progress, and it's still HARD.
There are still numerous situations involving alcohol that I haven't faced yet, and with each one that comes along I am presented with a new and unique challenge to overcome. I don't look at them as road blocks, I look at them as hurdles that need to be jumped over... It's TOTALLY possible to jump them, you just need to take a few steps back sometimes and give yourself the room to catch some speed and strength to get over it. And there's never just ONE hurdle when you see someone jumping hurdles, there's always MANY. But hurdles were designed for one reason and for one reason only, to be jumped over.
To think that something as big as removing alcohol from your life would be easy when you used it as a crutch for so many years would be just plain silly. There will always be trials. There will always be new hurdles to jump. It's going to be f***ing HARD sometimes. But everyday that you make it in sobriety is one more victory. Though it might be small, it is one hell of a victory to us that know the fight all too well.
I am strong enough to face each hurdle, and each one of you out there are too. You are strong enough to jump each and every one of them. I know it's still hard, but the things that are the hardest in life are the things that will teach us, empower us, and build who we are the most. So let's continue to face each day and each hurdle this year with that idea moving forward. It's still going to be hard sometimes... but WE GOT THIS. xx .
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